Thursday, 27 February 2014

The Diary of a Psychotic Killer

Ramon had always been mine from the first day he smiled at me I knew he’d be my destiny.  He was gorgeous with his dark slicked back hair the brownest eyes I’d ever seen on a man. His muscular shoulders showing he was athletic and we all knew he was on the college football team. Everyone knew he’d be playing professionally one day and I knew I’d be the girl on his arm not that slutty Fran with her short pink skirts.  The way she smiled up at him made me shudder, the poor man, I didn’t know how he could put up with it. At six foot two he towered over most of us, supremely confident in all he did. I couldn’t wait to make him mine.

It must have been two months later when he first spoke to me. I was so in love I soaked up every word he said to much laughter around him.  I’d show them I thought as I smiled up into his lovely eyes.
“Geeze man do you have to talk to that ugly bitch,”
“Hey we’re all equal,” he replied.
“Fucking hell she looks like a cow shat on her face.”
I ducked my head, tears rolling down my face, my glasses sliding down my nose my anger rising in a way they’d least expect.
“Hey Jill don’t cry they don’t mean it,” he said patting my shoulder.
“Yes we fucking do, now let’s get to practice,” he said.
Gently he lifted my chin. “Ignore them they don’t really mean it.”
“Ramon,” shouted Fran, “will you stop feeling sorry for the ugly bitch.”
Rolling his eyes he turned walking away as Fran approached me.
“Keep your dirty fucking hands off my man.”
“I-I didn’t touch him.”
“Make sure you don’t he’s mine.”
Boy had she a lot to learn.

Within the next twelve months Fran was dead due to a car accident and I was Ramon’s new girl.
It had been so sad about Fran. Her parents and our school were devastated at her loss; she’d been such a role model. Shit it made me sick, I was glad she was gone though I only gloated in private. As for Ramon he soon got over her. I was there for him in his time of need. We chatted in the library sometimes going out for coffee.
I understood his pain; you see my mother had died when I was 11 years old. She died in her sleep after not feeling very well for a few months. Her funeral was so sad. My daddy was very sad, though I was glad she was gone, it meant I had my darling daddy all to myself. Nobody came between me and my daddy ever again.

Of course I blossomed and groomed myself to become Ramon’s wife it was my destiny after all. We both knew it.  It was so romantic when he got down on one knee. I’d better explain this better. 
We were at the official signing of his contract with the Bulls; the excitement in the air was palatable. There I was the centre of attention on the arm of the greatest footballer ever to roam the world. Camera’s flashing we smiled until our faces ached, Ramon looked down at me tenderly helping me to my chair he’d always been a gentleman. With the line-up set his place confirmed, contract signed we partied.  It was right in the middle of this when he proposed.  The whole room went quite as he looked into my eyes, a huge smile on his face a huge diamond sitting prettily in a box.
“Jill after these last few years your support has been the thing I needed most.  I love you with my whole heart and would like you to be my wife, to have and to hold for evermore.”
I think I spluttered as he took my hand at my nod sliding the ring on my finger. I exploded from my chair jumping into his arms kissing him hard much to the amusement of the other players who were whistling, camera’s once again going into a clicking frenzy as we turned smiling towards them.  I knew for once we’d be front page news. My destiny was coming true. It wouldn’t be long before I married the man I’d loved since kindergarten class.
Of course daddy was thrilled and the wedding was huge, probably the biggest the town had ever seen. He was so proud to call Ramon his son in law.

I married Ramon six months later. I’d had the most glorious wedding gown in white silk, thin layers billowing out in the mild breeze as I walked. Yes you got it I was to be a virgin bride. Yeah we mucked around touching kissing playing and learning each other’s bodies, but I made him wait for his first fuck with me. It was going to be divine.
We married on a hot summer’s day in the biggest church in town. An invite list of three hundred went out. All were accepted. The church was filled to the rafters with many folks waiting outside, news crews, you name it they were all here for the official day watching their favourite player and his love get married.
God I loved it all, I glowed with love my eyes sparkling with unshed tears as I walked down the aisle on my father’s arm.  He handed me to Ramon kissing my cheek.
“You make me so proud Jill darling,” he said.
“Thank you daddy,” I replied searching out his latest girlfriend knowing it was time to get rid of her. I smiled to her gently before turning to Ramon. We walked up the three steps to the minister were our vows were said in quiet steady voices.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Ramon lifted my veil murmuring against my lips, “I can’t wait to have you Jill.” I smiled lovingly placing a hand on his cheek kissing him back with my own murmur, “Not long now darling.”
We walked down the aisle out through the doors to be covered in rice and confetti, we laughed as the crowd roared with approval rushing to our wedding car not stopping for anyone. The car pulled away taking us to the rose gardens to have our photos taken. I smiled at the memories, the reception and finally the loving.
Oh the loving, it was amazingly sublime, his hands gliding over my body in the usual scrumptious way, his lips and hands taking me higher and higher until he entered me in one hard swift movement kissing my pain away as my body adjusted to him. I nearly exploded there and then. Moving with him was a great joy, tears slid down my face as our orgasm took over. I knew then I’d never get enough of this man.

Our apartment had everything I could’ve dreamed of, the place was huge and we entertained frequently. Ramon’s mates from football, their  wives and girlfriends, it was the girlfriends I had to watch, some were rather slutty, if they touched my man they learnt the hard way which usually had them apologising, backing off rapidly, though there was one I remember. Sue just didn’t get it she thought she could play with what was mine.
Well of course I couldn’t let that happen, after all he’s mine. Narrowing my eyes I found her slutty person wrapped around my husband who was trying hard to peel her off, our eyes met she smirked in triumph which I knew would be short lived. Going to our bar I poured two drinks making my way to Ramon who was trying to drink his can of beer. I passed the second glass of wine to Sue raising an eyebrow at her indicating she join me somewhere more private. Turning I walked away to Ramon’s study. Of course the stupid girl followed.
Closing the door behind her she sauntered in to the study as if she owned the place.
“You do realise Sue that you’re over stepping the mark with Ramon?” I said.
“So, he’s a gorgeous hunk,” she said without looking up sipping her wine.
“Did you know bad things happen to bad girls Sue,” I said. She must have heard the warning in my voice as her eyes finally connected with mine.
“Why what you going to do about it?” she replied I saw the smirk rising on her face. Leaning my head to onside I watched as she finished the last of her wine.
“You’ll soon find out Sue.  Keep your hands off he’s mine.”
Slowly I walked to the door, “I suggest you go home and catch some sleep.” I re-joined the party and never saw her again. Someone mentioned she died from a drug overdose. They didn’t seem overly surprised either, apparently she’d been snorting up for a few years.

Two years later we were living in a huge house with gorgeous garden. I was pregnant and not overly joyful about it either. I’d never wanted kids, noisy messy smelly things they were. Needless to say Ramon was over joyed swinging me around in his arms when I told him.  He tended to my every need, the strange foods I ate, my emotional outbursts which stopped him in his tracks horror on his face especially the time I smacked him across the face, god it was so funny. He usually forgave me when he remembered I was pregnant.

I hated every minute of my pregnancy. The baby pissed me off rolling around in my stomach as if it owned the place, the sooner it was out the better. Nine months was too long and they dragged, Ramon partied, I was too sick to go, I felt ugly for the first time since school. Ramon just told me I grew more beautiful each and every day.
Then I found lipstick on his collar, oh the rage which went through me should’ve made the house tremble in fear.
“Ramon darling,” I said gently drawing my finger nails down his chest. “It’s time to wake up darling.”
“Go sleep Jill,” he moaned at me rolling over pulling the covers up.
“We need to talk Ramon,” I replied.
“What,” he said sitting up on one elbow, “the baby isn’t due for another month at least.”
“Who kissed you tonight darling,” I asked.
“What,” he said his eyes opening wider. “You woke me up to find out who kissed me, for god’s sake Jill nobody did.”
“Lipstick on your collar Ramon, don’t lie to me.”
He had the gall to laugh at me, my fists clenched in rage and before I could stop myself I smacked him across the face. He looked at me stunned.
“What the hell was that for?”
“You’re having an affair aren’t you,” I sobbed.
“Shit no of course not Jill, geeze you know what those women are like. It’s you a love and adore darling,” he reassuring me.
I hiccupped, “are you sure Ramon, I’d hate it if you were lying to me.”
“Positive love, now let’s get some sleep,” he smiled gently pulling me into his arms.

It’s not that I didn’t believe him, it was more like I was protecting myself and our child. I’d never wanted to share him the same as I’d never wanted to share my daddy who was a widower again after just two years of marriage. My poor daddy, I sighed snuggling into Ramon’s chest falling into a dreamless sleep.
The bigger I got the more emotional outbursts I had. I was convinced he was having an affair I just needed to find out who he was fucking. I’d take the bitch down.

Our daughter arrived four weeks later. I couldn’t like her she was scrawny and screamed a lot. Ramon on the other hand looked down enchanted love at first sight making me hate her more. Last thing I needed was a rival.
It was like watching a leech suck my husband dry his adoration grew each and every day as my hate darkened the horizon for us all, not that I realised. I refused to give him more children having my tubes tied privately without his knowledge; he made me laugh when he took all the tests under the sun trying to work out why he couldn’t get me pregnant. It took him a few more years to work it out by this stage his little darling was in kindergarten. He blew his top when he found out what I’d done without discussing it with him.
“Fuck Jill, why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s my body Ramon.”
“We could have discussed it, we could’ve adopted,” he yelled.
“I don’t want any kids, I never did Ramon. I only ever wanted you.”
“What? Why, I don’t understand.”
“You’re mine Ramon, you always have been,” I replied.
“Well you can’t have me Jill,” he said. “I want a divorce.”
The quiet which descended was huge; I looked up at him in shock my face paling my mouth hanging open.
“Y-you can’t mean it.”
“Yes Jill I do. I’m fed up with how you treat Caren. I want more children and since you can’t provide then I’ll have to get elsewhere.”
“You bastard,” I yelled at him hitting him smacking him across the face drawing blood with my nails, “I knew you were having an affair years ago.”
“I’m not Jill. I don’t know what’s wrong with you anymore you’re not the loving woman I married,” he said grabbing my hands.
“No you changed it by making me bring Caren into the world.”
“She’s your daughter Jill, she’s part of us, she needs both of us she’s beautiful and smart.”
“I hate her,” I screamed.
Ramon paled his eyes closing at my words pushing me into a chair.
“You can have the house or you can leave you have twenty-four hours to decide,” he said before walking out of the room and out of my life, or so he thought.

My destiny was in tatters, my life in ruins and it was all Caren’s fault and the bitch he was fucking. I left quickly finding an apartment close by so I could watch him. The divorce papers came through faster than I wanted. He was generous with his money to me for which I suppose I should be eternally grateful as it was this I used to hire a PI to follow him.
Of course the reports given me showed nothing so I took it into my own hands, firing the PI and following Ramon and Caren myself. I’d send letters which were returned unopened. Stalking him became part of my life. Stupidly I started attacking him with threatening phone calls, it wasn’t long before the police turned up to question me. Not long after that I found myself in a mental hospital tied to a bed.

Looking down at myself now nearly a year on, I was getting better or so they thought, so bloody easy to fool the doctors. In two days I’d be released from my prison cell and allowed back into society, it was here I would have my greatest moment of glory, if only they’d known…….

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